I work with children ranging from kindergarten to high school. Generally, it’s the adults that work my nerves, but occasionally there is a kid I want to sucker punch.*
I sent this text today after a extremely excruciating encounter with a small child.
Going to start threatening to kills kid’s families when they’re fucking around and taking forever ….
"Choose the picture that shows what the student should do or I’ll fucking murder your mommy and make you watch, you little shit! And if you keep dicking around, it’s lights out for daddy too. Hell, I’m feeling good today. I might even take out nana and pop pop. You wanna find a bloody mess when you get home?"
I imagine that I’ll whisper these words into a child’s ear. And if I’m approach by a coworker when the child starts to cry and scream about how I’d just threatened to decimate his family, I will stand and announce a la Denzel Washington in his Oscar winning performance in Training Day, “King Kong ain’t got nothing on me!”
These thoughts are what keep me from actually losing my shit.
*I don’t hit children… unless they hit me first. Because that’s when that shit becomes a fight and I’ll be damned if I let a little kid think they just kicked my ass.
Ingredients for Wino Sunday:
-cheap wine of your choice
-random music that you love
-chicken finger sandwich
Prep time: Life to this point
Cook time: As needed depending on preference
Put wine in glass. Drink it. Realize you should eat. Put chicken fingers in oven. Wait til you hear the ding. Place fingers (chicken’s, not your own) between bread. Hot mustard optional. Eat. Let Internet entertain. Repeat as necessary.
I should be elated. I should be relieved. I feel like I’m being punished. To truly understand you must see/read Like Water for Chocolate. For you see, I had a great love and because of circumstances beyond me I must settle for a inferior version of my beloved.
I am a hardcore Mac user. I love their simplicity. I would, if I had it, hand a blue shirted salesperson thirteen hundred dollars with a smile for a MacBook Pro. Unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of money and found myself in need of a computer. Today, I broke down. I feel dirty. I have a PC. And everything about it pisses me off.
I’m trying to swallow this pill. I need to cut it into smaller doses.
Photo: Craig Arnold
A three-week-old zebra plays with an older zebra.
Many moons ago, I went to the zoo with my fellow creeper and gave all the animals people names and made them have people conversations.
We laughed at the “do not feed the lions popcorn” signs.
We met Bob the Zebra. I think that was his name.
We saw the elephant family doing elephant things.
And then there was the creeper monkey. The infamous creeper monkey.
There are mornings when you just gotta dance.